Pretty pretty princess

Style
I can dig your template – the typewriter is a great idea, and all of your links work just fine – but I’m begging you, please use some of your new html skills to change your pink text to another color. I accessed your diary from no fewer than four different computers, and on every single monitor the text was obnoxiously difficult to read. There are color codes here. It’ll make a big difference, and I promise that you can maintain the feminine look. Thanks.

Substance
Hold on tight, sister; it’s going to get rough. I recognize that everybody uses their journal for different purposes, but if what you really wanted was a diary for yourself alone, why put it online? I read every single one of your entries and still feel that I’ve only a superficial grasp on who you are. If you want your readers to become engaged in your world enough to offer comments, bookmark you and read every day, you’re going to need to give us more to chew on. Part of this may be a result of your schedule; I recognize that you’re working two jobs (or you were at one time), but when you do update, it’s often with something lightweight like this blurb about Must See TV. Do I really need to know that you love “Friends”? This entry disappointed me too; it reads like the back cover of a Sweet Valley High novel. I don’t mean to mock your feelings, but come on! You’re clearly brighter than this; they don’t take dunces at Gonzaga. And I’ve read your profile—if you genuinely enjoy Toni Morrison and Cake, give us more of that woman! At the very least, if you’re interested in two men, tell us why. We all know that head-to-toe gooey feeling, but we don’t know why you get it with these two men. You did hook me with your brief discussion of what’s happening with your health. This is a serious problem; any reluctance to discuss it online is understandable, but your readers may be able to be supportive when you’re not comfortable sharing with real-life people. It’s a thought. Either way, I hope your news is good.

Suggestions
Your writing is structurally fine; there are a few subject-verb difficulties, but that’s just my inner grammarian hollering for attention. I’d urge you to spend more time on each entry. You seem to dash things off in a hurry quite a bit without giving your readers any detail. I often felt as if I were listening to your end of a cellphone conversation rather than reading a journal meant for public consumption.

I know this is your journal; you’re not obligated to write at all. And I don’t mean to discourage you. But you did ask for reviewing, and we at Ms Lovejoy’s take this seriously. I’ve given you specific recommendations in each category above, and while they may seem harsh, I stick by them. You can do better. If nothing else, you owe it to yourself. Learning some html gives you a great chance to fiddle around and make your journal entirely your own. This is a safe environment, assuming that you maintain your anonymity. So go ahead, be as descriptive and stupid as you need to be. Be a raving bitch if that’s how you feel. But please, give your readers a little more than a play-by-play description of your trips through Walmart.

C

Kaetchen