faery-lights - 2004-03-12
curiosekwe - 2004-02-10
splash-girl - 2004-01-09
shaynasanerd - 2003-12-24
poetgrl224 - 2003-11-30
2003-07-22 :: amber163

All that's left of yesterday...

Style
Woo hoo! It's self-designed. I like this layout for its simplicity, and because it isn't canned. The image of an eye, staring, is kinda spooky. But it suits your introspective writing style very well. The font is nice, and the colors are subtle. I really don't like the & signs that accompany the links across the top. It looks like an HTML mistake though, checking your code, I see that it's intentional. The "Extras" page is fantastic, though! You get points here, big time, for taking into account the needs of readers who want a "quick fix," of you, before diving into the heavy stuff. From this page, one can navigate to a Cast page, a Biography, some photos, a recap of January to March (very useful), a survey, and several other tidbits. I don't understand that scary red deathblossom thing at the end of each of your entries, and I would remove it. In any case, the diary it links to is painfully ugly and overwrought.

Substance
For a freshman or sophomore in high school, you have a very developed writing style. I don't mean this in some condescending sort of way, either: even though your days are often filled with nonsensical high school bullscheisse, you usually create something worthwhile from that content. There's a little too much summarizing some weeks. And, more often than not, too many entries that berate your motivations and sensibilities. You mention (more than once) that you write about "useless pointless stuff." This isn't necessarily true. It is true that high school is, in many ways, useless. But don't discount the importance of the way you see these years. That is not useless, trust me. And some of your entries are very uniquely "you." By this, I mean that when you try, your first person account of an event, or an emotion, is very compelling. An example of this voice is the self-presence demonstrated in this 20 minutes entry. Even this entry, which recounts a portion of an event and requires an outsider to do some journal research to discern the Whole Story, stands fine by itself. The details you include catch the reader's eye, even if he/she isn't up to date on the story itself. And most good writing stands on its own, I think. Moreover, the author does make a very pointed attempt to link to related entries, and the cast page, so that the reader doesn't get lost. Grammar is usually very good, though there are some glitches here and there.

Suggestions
Fix those links at the top so that there aren't the & marks. Take yourself seriously, even if you have low self esteem. I know low self esteem, and I think it subsides nicely when you identify (and take seriously) your own understanding of the world.


B+
You're a good writer. Keep that in mind, and do more writing that seeks to reveal the "whatness" of the moments you are describing.

Emily!