everything to say & nothing left to be said
Style
The look is clean and monochromatic, it dances in simplicity. Which is not a derogatory comment as some seem to believe. There are no links to diary rings or websites, which is a bold departure from many diaries. The lack of links does make the diary a little boring and heavily dependent upon its substance, an issue we will tackle soon. The template composition is very common, but things are common because they work, as this does. There is a picture of Mandy Moore, who to my knowledge is legal meat, seated in a way suggesting sex. The kind of sex you have in high school, all groping and premature. What is evie-'s intention in using this specific image? Is she a tease like Mandy or a woman with a taste for sensual pictures? Whatever the reason, the picture does good by me. The entries are fairly short and concise, good for a quick read. All the entries had perfect spelling and grammar execution. At times there was a handwritten journal motifhappening, I guess it didn't catch with evie-. Style: B-, serves its purpose and is a very common composition.
Substance
The diary is written in a very woman-speaking-into-a-microphone-detailing-her-life kind of style, not very grabbing. The main subjects seem to be: "I love Matt", "I love Mia", and "I don't want to be hurt." There are moments of anger and sadness, both of which don't seem to last very long. All of it changes when evie- plays with Mia. My thoughts of the diary fall into three areas: lack of diverse topics, lack of complex thought, and limited ability to incite emotion in the reader.
Eventually the reader (me, specifically) got tired of hearing about Mia. My favorite entry is one about her allergic reaction, just because it is a new subject. All the entries screamed for an invigorating burst of life, it is like evie-'s diary is missing something. It is not missing a brief description of the interesting things of the day. It is not missing a discussion on loving her daughter. It is missing abstract thought and action. I know, action is a little hard to pull off, but I think the attempt to pull it off will make this diary much more interesting to read. As for abstract thought, I know you have it, just tell us about it. Another thing, feelings. Sweet fuck, how can someone feel so much love and not be able to spread the gospel? There are times when the evie- is able to express her love, or I feel like she loves the kid, and then there are times when she is spouting off cute little comments about her Mia which have no value. Maybe thereis value, like telling us is she is smiling at that very moment, at least I guess that is the point. Substance: C-, couldn't hold my interest and did not suggest any kind of potential interest grabbing writing style changes.
Suggestions
Think deeper, I got bored with the diary after the first entry. There seems to be no change, like if you could write a different description of the same events over and over again. Which is acceptable if you mix it up, topics wise. Try action, it is a buzzword, but try to get that feeling of movement in your diary, I bet it will help. Give me something to feel, I know you feel strongly about some things, make me feel it too.**
C
It could suck more, but she can probably get better.
**PS. Having just read your most recent entry I want to add something. You deserve better. He may be a great guy inside, but this behavior points to a deep immaturity that guarantees unhappiness for you. You can blame this culture for screwing up many men's sexuality, you can blame society for encouraging such childishenss. But no matter what, it's BAD NEWS for you. Seriously. Why torture yourself? Why not be with a man who wants you all the time and wants you only? Because I assure you, having read some of your diary, that there are guys out there who'll do it.
Sorry for the speech. ;)
