words go grey

Style
A good, imageless template (by yourself, I assume). Love the alphabet theme, though the sheer amount of grey can be an eyestrain. In fact, the only bit of color in the whole layout is the �Lesbian Mafia� diaryring, which is so metaphorical it friggin kills me. But you don�t actually write like a �grey� person, so the format doesn�t match the content. It suffers from the scroll-in-scroll curse, as we do here, but the (non)colors of the scrolls makes it even harder to use. All in all, though, it�s well done. There is a great collection of links and well-placed tagboard (which is even better when it works). By the way, your use of [radioedit] instead of curses is a real turnoff, just because it�s so jarring. Couldn�t you change it to another word, like *beep* or ----? Better yet, couldn�t you just not write curses? Wouldn�t that be way more helpful for breaking the habit? Oh, and one last thing�I really wished your entries had titles in the html, so that navigating the archives would be easier. �030578_9� doesn�t tell the reader a darn thing.

Substance
This entry perfectly demonstrates both your greatest strengths and biggest weaknesses. On the one hand, you have a genuinely interesting life, which is pretty damn rare in the blogosphere. And you actually write well (imagine that!)-- good prose, good grammar and all the other literary necessities that most of the world lacks. After all, combining good writing with a fascinating story is right at the heart of quality diaristry and you could kick some serious rump in that department. On the other hand, there are a few problems holding you back�the biggest by far, is that you never fully get into the fascinating stuff, skirting around it, instead. It�s more like you�re writing to remind yourself in future years than addressing an audience, which is frustrating. Your profile says: �i'm a lesbian. & i'm a christian. saying anything else here would make things too complicated.�- which is a total cop out. Sure, I know that Christianity and homosexuality aren�t incompatible, but many folks don�t. It�s really your job, both as a diarist and as a Christian, frankly, to explain the truth to people. It�s not about justifying yourself, it�s about educating and enlightening the reading public. You could really teach people something, actually make a difference in the kind of crappy attitudes you yourself experience. Missing that opportunity is almost criminal.
If I may play armchair shrink for a minute (feel free to ignore me), I think you back off from the potentially awesome fierceness because you, yourself are conflicted. After all, you have to listen to well-meaning but tragically misinformed people day in and day out. It seems to me that some of their homophobic attempts at indoctrinating can�t help but cling to you, at least subconciously, so you�re stuck constantly fighting with your own environment. Which is a shame, because it limits your writing, limits you from delving into the most interesting aspects of your life. However�

Suggestions
I have a feeling that by the time you�re 20 you�ll be speaking up and changing minds and educating the world about gay Christianity, which is a totally real and viable movement. No, this issue doesn�t need to take over your life, but it�s obviously foremost in your mind�look at the cast list, which mentions every person�s sexual preference. Since you�ve got these serious and important topics you�re dealing with�let�s hear about them! Get mad, and use your writing skills to communicate that righteous indignation. You should be pissed off that your faith, a faith based on love and universal brother/sister-hood would be hijacked by homophobes, and that otherwise good people (like your youth pastor) have been so egregiously misinformed.
You need to write about your faith. You need to write about your sexuality. You need to write about music or politics or food or whatever revs your motor and makes you feel something strong. It doesn�t have to be a daily bitchfest, either�write about the people who make you happy, or warm, hot-n-sweaty. Point is, write about stuff that invokes strong feelings-- and evoke those feelings in your readers. That�s when you�ll really rock the house.

B
Seriously, you can do much better�not because this is bad (it�s not at all), but because it could be so GREAT.

Jessica Lovejoy