Mixed Emotions

Style
A functional, and thoroughly pleasant layout from lucky designs. Black, with a rather nice shade of green (at least on my monitor) and some tinted photos of nobody-I-know (a getty image). You mention changing your layout at least twice, and I�d be curious to see the previous ones-- maybe they�d tell me a little more about yourself. I do like very vertical layouts like this, but I wish the picture was changed to something personal. Like, say, you! Your profile isn�t filled out, which is especially crappy since you also don�t give a Bio page. The other links work, though� a cast list (again, with nothing about you!), contact info, and great registry listings in �extras� (I liked one of them so much, we joined it ourselves!) The long paragraphs are hard to read, however, so it'd be a big help if you break them into smaller chunks.

Substance
Your first few entries pained me, and I said a silent prayer to the Diary Gods, �Please let them get better, so I don�t have to fail anyone!� Well, I�m happy to say, they did get much, much, MUCH better. The problem at first was that you said, well�nothing. Your entries were wholly pointless, just a random comment on some part of your day- no context, no narrative, no real soul. Over time, though, you�ve developed a voice, and actually written some entries with emotion and punch. This is an example of your best work�you tell a genuinely interesting story (boyfriend has feelings for dead girl!) and do it with passion and heart. And here-- a fervent entry about separation and loss (though I do wish you�d lay off the exclamation points�they�re just unnecessary overkill). It�s unfortunate that your best work is about such sad things, of course. And I don�t believe that artists need misery to produce�it�s just usually comes easier. When I�m teaching in real life, I always look for the good a student has done, for their potential to do better. Looking at the enormous change in your writing, I know you�ve got that potential.

Suggestions
So, what you need to do is capture the emotional tone of your saddest pieces, and apply that strength to everything else. Don�t just tell the story of your day, and certainly don�t write a paragraph that only makes sense to you. Think about something funny, or sad, or wonderful, and share it with your readers. Don�t give up! After all, when you started this diary it wasn�t a serious thing, and it�s only recently that you�ve kept regular entries (except for a few bursts last year). Now, imagine how awesome you�ll be if you keep improving. Write a biography, or a 101 Things About Me page (and fill out that profile!). Give your audience a clear idea of who you are, the world you live in, what you love and hate, and why you feel the way you do. Tell us why you love your boyfriend, or care about your friends�give specifics. The way his hair smelled, the kind thing she did for you, the hilarious joke he told, the way it felt when�whatever. Fill in the blanks yourself. Paint us a picture of your life, so your audience feels what you feel, and cares.

C-
Just keep improving�and come back for a re-review someday, OK?

Jessica Lovejoy