faery-lights - 2004-03-12
curiosekwe - 2004-02-10
splash-girl - 2004-01-09
shaynasanerd - 2003-12-24
poetgrl224 - 2003-11-30
2003-08-12 :: Bearshoney

1000 miles between us

Style

I've seen this template before, and I don't like it. Whoever made it doesn't know that you can't blow small things up to be really big without losing pixels. Or else they don't know that it needs to be saved with a few MORE pixels to make the writing look decent, and the image comprehendible. But that ain't your fault, really. I like the division of the extra pages (including a bio! horrah!), so that you don't have to throw everything onto the main page.

Substance

You make a few grammatical mistakes ( like mixing up "its," the possessive, with "it's", which means "it is," and "affect" with "effect." But you really need to teach this Bear person not to say "I seen X" and "When I seen Y." Christ. So, this diary has the potential to be another morose wail to the gods of The Other. But it's not, really: you don't wallow very much, which is good. There is, occasionally, cause for the reader to think to herself "next page" (like this entry). But usually your observations and emotions, as they are expressed through your writing, are fresh and familiar. And sometimes you are delightfully candid and honest (like here). I like that this entry is subtle, but engaging.

Suggestions

Get rid of that template image. It should be easy to replace, if you just upload a new photo, and change the words in your template that follow img src="" to the new photo's file name. Your journal mostly is successful in allowing the reader to grasp enough of your personal motivations to get a sense of "you-ness." Sometimes the Bear scribbles are disturbingly heavy-handed and tedious. Everyone experiences these carnal, stomach-turning, nicotine-inducing Feelings, but I've always preferred reading things that go beyond that, just for the benefit of the separation of world and word. When you write on that level, you do it well.

B
For Chrissakes, STAY IN CANADA. Mississippi is hot, and sticky, and wouldn't you and your person prefer the delicate seasonality of O Canada?



Emily