Pretty pretty princess

Style
I can dig your template � the typewriter is a great idea, and all of your links work just fine � but I�m begging you, please use some of your new html skills to change your pink text to another color. I accessed your diary from no fewer than four different computers, and on every single monitor the text was obnoxiously difficult to read. There are color codes here. It�ll make a big difference, and I promise that you can maintain the feminine look. Thanks.

Substance
Hold on tight, sister; it�s going to get rough. I recognize that everybody uses their journal for different purposes, but if what you really wanted was a diary for yourself alone, why put it online? I read every single one of your entries and still feel that I�ve only a superficial grasp on who you are. If you want your readers to become engaged in your world enough to offer comments, bookmark you and read every day, you�re going to need to give us more to chew on. Part of this may be a result of your schedule; I recognize that you�re working two jobs (or you were at one time), but when you do update, it�s often with something lightweight like this blurb about Must See TV. Do I really need to know that you love �Friends�? This entry disappointed me too; it reads like the back cover of a Sweet Valley High novel. I don�t mean to mock your feelings, but come on! You�re clearly brighter than this; they don�t take dunces at Gonzaga. And I�ve read your profile�if you genuinely enjoy Toni Morrison and Cake, give us more of that woman! At the very least, if you�re interested in two men, tell us why. We all know that head-to-toe gooey feeling, but we don�t know why you get it with these two men. You did hook me with your brief discussion of what�s happening with your health. This is a serious problem; any reluctance to discuss it online is understandable, but your readers may be able to be supportive when you�re not comfortable sharing with real-life people. It�s a thought. Either way, I hope your news is good.

Suggestions
Your writing is structurally fine; there are a few subject-verb difficulties, but that�s just my inner grammarian hollering for attention. I�d urge you to spend more time on each entry. You seem to dash things off in a hurry quite a bit without giving your readers any detail. I often felt as if I were listening to your end of a cellphone conversation rather than reading a journal meant for public consumption.

I know this is your journal; you�re not obligated to write at all. And I don�t mean to discourage you. But you did ask for reviewing, and we at Ms Lovejoy�s take this seriously. I�ve given you specific recommendations in each category above, and while they may seem harsh, I stick by them. You can do better. If nothing else, you owe it to yourself. Learning some html gives you a great chance to fiddle around and make your journal entirely your own. This is a safe environment, assuming that you maintain your anonymity. So go ahead, be as descriptive and stupid as you need to be. Be a raving bitch if that�s how you feel. But please, give your readers a little more than a play-by-play description of your trips through Walmart.

C

Kaetchen